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Family Secrets

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the stories of our lives were one hundred percent positive? Too bad real life doesn’t work that way. All of us have experienced embarrassments, bad decisions, and painful situations that we would just as soon forget. But is your own embarrassment justification for avoiding uncomfortable topics? When you’re compiling your memoirs, just how much should you share? Here are some guidelines to help you decide what to include and what to exclude.

Ask yourself whether the story in question is your story to tell. If it belongs to someone else, and that person is living, it is best to leave that story alone. You are writing your own story.

Include stories that are entertaining, instructive, or historically important. Also include stories that have potential to heal old wounds. Remember, those wounds could be your own, or those of someone you love. The act of writing about traumatic events has been demonstrated to help heal emotional scars, even years or decades later. If you’re not sure whether to include a sensitive topic, just get it down on paper. You can always edit it out of your final draft later.

Exclude stories that are boring or hurtful, especially if they have none of the redeeming values listed in the previous paragraph. Remember, this is your story, and you decide what goes into it. If there is a topic you truly don’t want to visit, leave it out.

What about those stories that aren’t so easy to categorize? For example, telling a story about how you were pressured as a teenager to give up a baby for adoption may be embarrassing or painful; it will also be instructive of the social mores of the time, and have potential to bring you closer to your family.

It is easy for younger generations to view the parents and grandparents who raised them as one- or two-dimensional people who never made mistakes, never took chances, never did anything wrong. If your stories shed new light on your struggles, foibles, triumphs, and the source of your values, your readers will begin to understand the whole person that is you. It is a process that will enrich your relationships and allow your readers to identify with you and learn from you.

Think about it. Isn’t there something you wish you understood better about your parents or grandparents? Sharing similar things in your story will be a blessing to future generations. Anyway, who wants to read a memoir that is all sugar and no spice?

Author: Linda A Smith

06-02-2008

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