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Your Ethical Will

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Your Ethical Will
Have you ever wondered what people will think of you after you die? Several years ago I awoke suddenly from a disturbing dream about my own funeral. In my dream, I was hovering above the mourners, eavesdropping on their conversations. What a nightmare! It was clear that each person present knew only a small part of the entity that is me. No one at my dream funeral really knew the entire me! In my dream, I was sure that no one but my immediate family would remember me for long. That dream was a real wake up call for me, one that prompted me to begin making some changes in the way I was living.

People have been creating ethical wills for thousands of years. Like my dream, an ethical will is an exercise in looking ahead to how you will be remembered after you are gone.  Also like my dream, an ethical will is something that can enrich your life beginning right now.

An ethical will is different than a regular will, which dictates what is to be done with your material possessions after you die.  Your ethical will is an expression of the nonmaterial things you hope to leave behind—your values, wisdom, beliefs, and dreams.

Ethical wills are as varied as the people who create them.  The most common format, however, is a simple letter addressed to the people you care about. Treat it as the important document that it is.  Use acid-free paper and quality ink if you intend it to stand alone, or include it as a final chapter in a quality book of your memoirs.  Although an ethical will is often stored together and read along with a traditional will, many people find value in sharing it early.

This is not the place for expressing disappointment or anger with your loved ones.  Your ethical will is going to carry more emotional weight after you are gone than any other document. Wounds that you inflict with it will last a very, very long time, and may never heal because the wounded person has no recourse to address it.  Used incorrectly, an ethical will has potential to be the ultimate, warped last word.

On the other hand, the blessings you bestow in it will also last a very, very long time.  An ethical will that offers forgiveness can provide healing for old wounds.  An ethical will that offers insight gained during your years of experience will be a source of strength and wisdom to the people you love for the rest of their lives.

Start thinking about your ethical will today.  One of the benefits of starting early is that putting your values out there in black and white forces you to confront your own inconsistencies. I don't want my family to be shocked to learn of my professed values after my death; and that keeps me on track in my day-to-day living.  Your ethical will can draw you closer to the ones you love both now—and later. For help from Todd Peterson, a local expert in ethical wills, see www.ethicalwilladvisor.com.
-Linda A. Smith

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